Over the long weekend, I was urged to watch a British mini-series titled Adolescence on Netflix. It’s a simple production—not a high-budget film—but its impact is deeply unsettling, particularly for parents. The series has sparked widespread discussions across various platforms, even appearing in prestigious publications like The Economist. It touches on the ever-pressing concern of how to shape our children into responsible and resilient individuals in an increasingly complex world.

The four-episode series follows the case of a 13-year-old boy, Jamie, who is accused of murdering his schoolmate, Katie. Jamie appears to be an ordinary and well-behaved boy—one no parent would ever suspect of committing such a crime. Murder is the last thing any parent imagines their child capable of.

Jamie, intelligent and composed, initially makes one question whether he could truly be responsible. His father, Eddy, has unwavering confidence in him. In a private conversation, Eddy asks Jamie directly if he did it, and Jamie firmly denies any involvement. However, as investigators meticulously trace Jamie’s movements on the night of the crime, the truth unravels.

Hidden world of teenagers

When video footage confirms the unthinkable, Eddy is left devastated. In the final moments, he wishes he had never seen what was revealed. The trauma is permanent, a tragic reality delivered to his doorstep.

The series is deeply unsettling because it exposes the hidden world of teenagers, particularly their interactions on social media. It reveals the coded language of colors and emojis in online chats, as well as the harsh realities of school bullying. During interrogation, Jamie confesses that Katie had called him ugly, yet he also claims she wasn’t his type—raising questions about his true motives. At just 13, Jamie already has clear preferences and perceptions about attraction, a revelation that might shock traditional parents but is an undeniable reflection of today’s world.

As parents, we strive to do our best, yet none of us are perfect. Our fast-paced lives often prevent us from spending quality time with our children. This is reflected in the series through Adam, the son of the investigator handling Jamie’s case. When his father suddenly invites him to lunch, Adam is caught off guard—it’s something he isn’t used to. This moment mirrors the reality of many families today.

The debate surrounding smartphones and social media use is a pressing one. Many parents struggle to set boundaries, and in some cases, they are unaware of who their children are communicating with or what content they are consuming. The distractions of modern technology make it even more difficult to stay engaged in our children’s lives.

Adolescence serves as a wake-up call, urging parents to be more present and vigilant. It highlights the unseen dangers of the digital world and underscores the importance of fostering open communication with our children. But how present can a parent truly be when they cannot monitor their child 24/7? The diverse interactions children have at school complicate matters even further. Should we confiscate smartphones in an attempt to shield them, or should we focus on teaching them resilience, responsibility, and adaptability in a fast-moving world?

How can we do better?

These concerns compel us to rethink our parenting approaches. While we cannot control everything, we can mitigate foreseeable and unforeseeable challenges by equipping our children with essential skills. By nurturing resilience, we can help them withstand bullying and peer pressure, both of which can severely impact self-esteem.

I recall my own child, at just seven years old, creating a short video to speak out against bullying—a response to her own experience at school. That, to me, is resilience. But what about children who are unable to express themselves or seek help? They may develop harmful defense mechanisms, potentially leading to tragic outcomes like Jamie’s.

Encouraging open communication is crucial in shielding our children from the adversities of the world. Monitoring their social interactions, understanding their friendships, and staying involved in their digital lives can make a significant difference. Social media, while difficult to control completely, should not become a blind spot in our parenting.

Returning to the series, the most haunting moment comes when Jamie finally states that he will plead guilty. It is as if death itself has arrived. Eddy, overcome with grief, whispers, “I’m sorry, son. I should have done better.” This heartbreaking conclusion leaves me, as a parent, with a lingering question—how can I do better?

Experts in child psychology emphasize the importance of digital literacy for both parents and children. According to Dr. Jean Twenge, author of iGen, excessive screen time and social media exposure can contribute to increased anxiety and depression among young people. She advises parents to create structured digital routines, establish open dialogues about online interactions, set screen time limits, and encourage balanced activities outside of digital spaces. Staying informed about the latest social media trends and the potential risks they pose is also essential. Moreover, fostering emotional resilience in children by teaching them how to handle conflicts, rejection, and bullying in healthy ways is crucial.

Lastly, parents must lead by example, modelling the behaviours they wish their children to adopt, including mindful technology use. The lessons from Adolescence are clear: being present, fostering resilience, and maintaining open lines of communication are more important than ever in today’s digital era. While we may not have control over every aspect of our children’s lives, we must do our utmost to guide, protect, and prepare them for the challenges of the modern world.

Fortunata Frederick is a mother, lawyer, human rights expert, and poet. She is available at fortukito@gmail.com or on X as @fortunatak. The opinions expressed here are the writer’s own and do not necessarily reflect those of The Chanzo. If you are interested in publishing in this space, please contact our editors at editor@thechanzo.com.